About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
