Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
