bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
