I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
