mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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