TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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