Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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