If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
