so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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