Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
