look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
