so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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