upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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