I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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