why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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