So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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