I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
