whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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