I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
