no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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