You smell like stripper and shame
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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