I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
