Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's great music for shaving your balls
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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