Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
