my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
