If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
