so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
