Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
