meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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