dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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