I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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