The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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