Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
