I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
