i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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