You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
