Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
