I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
