Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
