At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I AM VODKA MAN
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
