In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
