Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
