Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
