Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
