Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
