I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
