Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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