is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
