We won't sleep together?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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