Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
