Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
